do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
