sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
