Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
