True but thats because hes a fetus.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
