WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
two words: eviction party
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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