Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
