I met the friendliest cop last night
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Dicks are not precious.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
