the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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