im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
