Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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