i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
