@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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