the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
