The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
