Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
