we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME