well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
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My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
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I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
The UTI came back with a vengeance.