I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.