do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Okay so I just had a really great idea