in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo