If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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