we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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