My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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