is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
