I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
