fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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