I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
