you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
