So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
