Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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