I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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