i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
