maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
