it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
