Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
ttyl tear gas
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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