she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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