hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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