her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
