How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
