It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Randomize
