I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
