I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I just blew my weed a kiss
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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