sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I want a musical about memes.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
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