i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
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If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
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You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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