Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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