Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
