:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
