were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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