are you still at the devil's house?
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
its not stalking. its research.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
