walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
