i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
