the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize
