there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
