sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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