hotel room ftw
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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