Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
