Please, let me fuck your mom
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
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she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
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Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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