Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Only a mothe r could love this liver
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Randomize
