I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
