Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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