1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
