my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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