I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
