What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
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Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
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Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
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