if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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