his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom said you looked used
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize