Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
