I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
