its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
