he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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