I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
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Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
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Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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