Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Randomize
