According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
