margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
