Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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