Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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