my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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