i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
