I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
