is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Randomize
