dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Randomize
