I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
