you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
