I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
